Anton Savage: Get ready for 2025, the year of the murderous squirrel

Originally published in the Business Post.

I’ve never been superstitious. Walking under ladders, letting black cats wander around me, sitting in row 13 on a plane (if that plane has a row 13: not all do), spilling salt, ignoring single magpies; you name it I’ll do it, with complete abandon.

Nor do I have faith in omens. No chill wind or broken mirror can predict bad luck. I’m a fierce believer in objective proofs, not folk tales and shibboleths. That being said, it’s hard to remain positive about the year to come when the first headline one reads is ‘Killer Squirrels Develop a Taste For Flesh’.

I am doing my level best to remain logical and sanguine, but the new year beginning with the evolution of predatory carnivorous squirrels cannot bode well. The flesh-eating rodents of doom have been observed in a California state park in a report just published in the Journal of Ethology.

The report is part of the long-term behavioural ecology of California ground squirrels project at Briones Regional Park in Contra Costa County. According to park officials, they are currently experiencing something of a vole population explosion. This has led ground squirrels to re-assess their commitment to nuts and fruits in favour of quasi-cannabilism (sure, squirrels have cuter little hands and fluffy tails, but they ain’t that far off being voles themselves).

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